Sorry for the delay in writing. We have had some good and bad days. OK – so we have had some bad days.
In my internet travels, possibly including here, I have mentioned the huge costs we have incurred with health insurance and out-of-pocket medical bills. I make a nice income, but when your medical costs are running over $50,000 each year for the past few (which requires gross income of around $75,000 just for the medical costs) it gets hard to keep up. On top of that, we live in an area with a very high cost of living and some of the highest taxes in the country.
My wife is a stay at home mom. She would love to be working and contributing to the household income, but with some of the events in the earlier posts focusing around my kids, it is clear that she needs to be home for them. A couple of years back, we downgraded our home. We have sold many items of worth we felt we “needed”. Today, my wife cut off the house telephone and “cable” TV. I have a slow leak in a car tire, that I am hesitating to fix, out of a fear of spending the $4 or $5 it will cost to fix. I have lived at the top. I am now plowing through to the bottom.
I have been stretching myself thin between work, which is paying all of the bills (well, the ones that can get paid), and trying to establish an online presence and voice. My hopes were to find a way to turn this into a source of additional income, possibly through the writing of a book, or even by making this a full time vocation. Before you think it – this was not meant to be a get rich quick, on the backs of others concept. My intention from day one was to provide some true value for whatever rewards it might generate.
I have some concerns that are building. First, I see an audience that often has their own financial struggles and sometimes those struggles are substantially worse than my own. Second, my current vision for my work here needs a few thousand dollars more than I can pull from thin air (please don’t take this as any kind of request for support – it’s not). Lastly, I fear that my neglect for my regular work, to keep this going, is putting me at greater risk then I can afford.
Add to that, the events of today. My wife realized that my son, PJ, used the last of his ADHD meds this morning. She set an appointment during the day to take my son to the doctor right after school, for a new prescription. She mentioned it to PJ in the morning, but he had forgotten and nothing definite was set. After school, my wife reminded PJ that they needed to run to the doctors.
PJ doesn’t like surprises. He first determined that he would not go. After prolonged discussions and pleading, after making it clear that this was not going to be a moment for choice, after physically wrestling with him and getting him in the car, we finally gave up. Dawn calls the doctor, to inform him and they agree that she should at least make the 45 minute trip to get the prescription and discuss the situation. She gets in the car and now PJ runs out, saying that he is coming. I get a call a few minutes later from Dawn. PJ wanted to go back to the house for his Nintendo DS. She explained that they were already late and that she couldn’t go back. Now the jumping out of the car game begins. He is opening the door saying he is going to get out. She finally told him to do exactly that. He gets out and tells her that he knows she’ll come back to get him. I told Dawn to keep going and that it was time to call his bluff. She did – in tears.
About an hour later PJ came home to me. I explained to him the danger he was putting himself and others in with his behavior in the car. We talked at length about how those kinds of distractions in the car could get someone killed. He felt very badly. He always does at times like this.
As I had started this post, it has been a rough couple of days, which is seen in only fragments here. Certainly not all bad, but from my perspective, at the moment, certainly not all good either. There will be better days ahead and sadly a few worse, most likely. Sorry for the uncharacteristically dark tone. If it doesn’t read that way, trust me – it’s there.
Peace
- Chris
Sorry to hear that things have been rough.
On the subject of the tire–based on personal experience I suggest getting the tire leak fixed now while it is cheap. It may cost a lot more later as the leak will most likely get worse. Not to mention the overall damage that could happen to the car (possibly even the ever-so-expensive transmission) from riding on uneven tires.
–Jack
Thanks for the advice Jack. I will be working on some solutions today. That will be figured into the list as a top priority.
– Chris
Chris I’m so heart broken that thing are rough for you and your family, I can relate to what your going through with finances and your son, Please take care of that tire asap, I would not want anything to happen to you wonderful family if that tire blew out while driving.. I know this may or may not make you feel any better .. but what does not kill us makes us stronger till then I’m here and you can rant and rave to your hearts content to me it feels better to get things out then just bottle them in
Hugs to you, Lauri
Thanks very much Lauri. I will always find a way to survive.
We are pretty convinced that this is a great lesson for ourselves and for our kids. I had always feared that we were bringing up our kids a little too comfortably. As you have indicated, these are the times that build us. My kids understand the value of a dollar much better now than they did two years ago. I truly believe that the greatest self-made people amongst us often came from nothing. I have read that, contrary to popular belief, the children of millionaires are often broke within a generation or two. The concept of “trust fund” millionaire kids is largely a myth.
- Chris
my son has NVLD and we’ve had some episodes like that, plus the truancy and suspensions that made it impossible, as a single mom, to balance his needs and my career on my own. I lost my means to support my kids, and I lost my house.
it’s tough times when you go through things like this. the awareness of what the issues are makes all the difference, which is one reason I hope you can maintain the blog. I hope it doesn’t become a drain on your resources, because when I was going through my son’s worst times I felt all alone.
before he was diagnosed, I couldn’t find anyone who could relate, so I didn’t have a support system. I got the feeling that everyone thought if I wasn’t so psycho and stressed out, my son would be ok. that if I tried harder, he wouldn’t do those things that hurt himself and other people.
Thanks for sharing your story Mia.
I will keep this up as best as I can. Right now the resources are mostly time. The next steps I have planned are what will require the money. As the readership grows, it becomes more demanding. I feel that I will hit a point where I will not be able to manage the interaction on a timely basis, while keeping up my regular work, yet I will not be able to reach a point where I can dedicate all of my time and effort here, either.
In my heart, this “calling” I have discovered is too important to ignore. The pain and frustration that I have heard from so many of you, over the past few months, has me convinced that my road must lie here.
We all need this.
Thanks again
– Chris
Chris,
It seems as tho those ’setbacks’ sure come in bunches, doesn’t it? I do believe, along with Lauri, you and Dawn will handle these issues as they come up, and you’ll handle them wisely. Telling Dawn to drive on without your son and
her doing it, even in tears, took a great deal of courage and FAITH on both your parts and I applaud you! I’m so glad PJ made it home safely. It’s so hard to call their bluffs. SO hard!! I remember it very well.
There were none of the resources out there when my son was diagnosed in 4th grade. (I knew something was going on long before that but nobody would listen). I felt so alone out there! He (and I) struggled through the remaining 8 years of school with him on Ritalin. We had a family joke, Caleb couldn’t remember to take his Ritalin until he’d taken his Ritalin.
When it came time for college, I’d done a lot of research and knowing he wouldn’t remember to see a doc @ college, let alone fill and TAKE his Rx, I put him on a course of vitamins purported to help with his ADD. He mostly took them, he got through college, is now 26 years old, and is a successful husband, father, and police officer today.
I truly didn’t think we’d make it through!
May God bless you and yours. Take it a minute at a time if you have to; you and Dawn both! Forget the ‘day at a time’, if a minute is better, then do that. Keep pluggin away at what you’re doing. We all love reading your blogs, they help a lot of people and I’m pretty sure your efforts here will be blessed with the finances and wherewithal to keep it going.
Blessings,
Amy
Amy -
It sounds sappy, and I really am more he-man than not, but you are bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kind words of support. I am blessed – blessed to be surrounded by so many people that are near-strangers, yet some of my closest friends.
I am most grateful.
- Chris
Chris,
I am with Jack Blackthorn. From personal experience, don’t let that tire go for to long. It only gets worse. In the past when I couldn’t get the $ to get a tire fixed, I’ve stretched it out by filling it in the morning and the evening, but with most stations charging 50 cents or more for gas, its cheaper in the long run to have it fixed
Thanks Cesar -
If you haven’t read it somehwhere out here, I drive between 25 and 30,000 miles a year. I’ve already put close to 2,000 miles on it, since this started. Thankfully, the car has pressure sensors and alerts me when it’s getting low. I will have it resolved by this Saturday AM, as soon as I get back in town.
Thank you for your genuine concern and advice.
- Chris
My oldest son was diagnosed with PPD-NOS (Autism) when he was 2 1/2 years old. Those were some of the hardest words to hear – there is something wrong with you son. We took a deep breath and did whatever it was that needed to be done to get him the help that he needed. In learning about the disorder, we’ve pretty much determined that my husband also is Autistic. My husband left his job to be home with my son.
5 years later along comes son #2. My thoughts – finally a typical child. No such luck. Yesterday we got the news that at 5 years old – he is ADHD. It feels like my world is just shattered. but in reading your post I realize that I’m not alone in this battle. Not alone in the daily struggles that will come in the days, weeks and years ahead.
Thank you for your post. It has made me pick my self off the ground, stop self pity and realize that the fight has just begun and that is exactly what I need to do.
Thank you
– Lauri
Welcome Lauri -
We are all in this together. You are right – there are many challenges ahead. It may seem insourmountable at times, but the human spirit can reach to many great heights. Don’t give up and please know that you’re among friends here.
Thanks for telling us your story.
– Chris